Friendly Church
We had a lively discussion in our Men’s Leadership Meeting last Tuesday night about attracting and keeping visitors. It is my belief that we would be significantly larger in membership if we could simply turn our one-time visitors into “repeaters.”
Many factors play into how well churches do at welcoming visitors and helping them decide to stay and be a part of the congregation. While most churches think of themselves as “friendly” it’s not actually true. We’re friendly to one another and usually cordial to strangers but that’s not the same thing as friendly.
I was pleasantly surprised to receive Group Publishing’s Study for Pastors in my email this morning discussing this very topic.
They quote the real-life experience of two recent visitors to churches:
"My wife and I visited a church and at the time I only had a Living Translation Bible. They told us "if" we came back to be sure we only brought a King James. Needless to say, we didn’t go back."
- Bob H.
"I was in the "Visitor’s Welcoming Room" and the pastor said, "Are you AG?" I had to ask what that denominational lingo meant. It felt unwelcoming."
- Lisa C.
Wow. Really?
In our discussion last night we spent some time talking about the barriers that churches erect to prevent a good first impression. It starts when people drive into the parking lot. Can they find a parking place relatively close to the building? Are the entrances clearly marked or easily understood? Is anyone available to help visitors find their way inside? Don’t assume that it’s easy to figure out.
Once inside, can visitors find the nursery or children’s area? What about the restrooms? Is there a map or a handout that shows where classes are held? What about the times of services?
Here’s Group’s “To-Do” after thinking this through:
Pretend you’re new at your church and be a visitor. What are your first 10 minutes like? If you’re can’t pull this off at your own church (remember the home blind issue from week one?), visit a nearby church that offers meeting times different from your own church and be a visitor there. What are your first 10 minutes like? Take notes and talk about this with others at your church. Challenge them to do the same thing. What can you learn from other churches that are making those first 10 minutes remarkable? And what messages can you change to make sure the first 10 minutes at your church are amazing?
Think about it!
Potluck Disaster
Have Some Church and a Smile
Somehow I subscribed to an email list from Group Publishing called State of the Church 2010. This section is a 6 part study on church friendliness.
This week’s study is so simple it hurts.
A simple read of body language tells us that when someone is smiling they are (usually) happy and friendly. I know it’s not foolproof but it’s a pretty good rule of thumb.
So, if we want people to know that we’re a happy church, we should… smile.
A real smile. Not a stereotyped “used car salesman’s smile.”
We all have different ways of demonstrating our emotions in our expressions. Some of us radiate our happiness like the sun on a clear April day. Some of us exude warmth and friendship like sitting on park bench in the afternoon. it’s not the size of your grin. It’s size of your heart and whether or not you’re letting it show.
We think that we’re friendly churches. Does it show? Do newcomers see us greet one another with a smile and love? Is that what they receive?
Big grin or little quirk of the lips, try a smile on today and see if it makes a difference in how you’re perceived by others.
Purity of Heart #1
1. Read Prov. 4:23.
a. How would you define the “heart” that the writer is describing?
b. What would it mean to “guard your heart?”
2. Look at 1 Sam. 16:1-7. Note v. 7.
a. In terms of religion, how might our “outward appearance” be different from what is really going on in the heart?
b. What is it that God is concerned about?
3. Have you been tempted to put on the outward appearance without having the heart? If so, how?
4. Read David’s prayer for a pure heart in Psalm 139:23-24 and then spend some special time praying about your own heart.
5. All the great men and women in the Bible had to deal with their hearts, bot no one shares his heart with us and his struggle for purity of heart more than David. Psalm 32 and Psalm 51 were written by David and will be important to this study. Read them both carefully at this time. Make notes on those verses that seem significant.
6. From these Psalms we can learn valuable lessons about how to come to purity of heart and how to keep the heart pure.
a. We must be willing to face our sin honestly and admit to ourselves what it is.
b. We must be broken over that sin (take seriously its effects).
c. We must be willing to confess that sin.
7. Why can no one have and keep a pure heart without dealing with sin in a biblical way?
Feeling Unwelcome, Family Plans Departure from Town that Invited Them
In the News
Four years ago, Michael and Jeanette Tristani and their twin children accepted the invitation from Hazelton, North Dakota, to move there from their native Florida and receive two free lots and up to $20,000 in startup money. They received the free land and some cash, but not much of a welcome, they say.
Now they’re planning to return to Florida.
In 2005, the Hazelton Development Corp., formed by a group of citizens concerned about the town’s dwindling population (currently about 240), ran ads across the country to lure new families, offering land and cash. They also invited businesses, offering them free lots and $50,000, but no businesses accepted the offer.
The community had hundreds of inquiries from families around the world, and several families actually visited the town. But the Tristanis were the only family to actually move there. They heard the offer as "an answer to our prayers," Michael Tristani said. The couple was tired of Florida’s crime, traffic, hurricanes and high cost of living. After the move, they found that Hazelton indeed has a low crime rate, low tax rate and a low cost of living. And the Tristani kids like the school.
Despite those benefits, the Tristanis didn’t find the welcome they expected. "It’s been quite an experience, 50-50 at best," Michael said. "No one really wants new people here."
The couple came prepared for the bitter North Dakota winters, where wind chills are sometimes 50 degrees below zero and snow is measured in feet rather than inches. They weren’t prepared, however, for the small-town drama.
When Michael Tristani came to town, he was wearing gold necklaces and a Rolex and driving a Lexus — in a place where pickup trucks, farm caps and bib overalls are more common. "People thought I was a drug dealer," Michael said.
"People prejudge you without getting to know you," Jeanette Tristani added.
Tom Weiser, one Hazelton city leader behind the project to bring in new residents, said, "Not everybody fits in a small town."
Initially, the Tristanis opened a bistro and coffee shop, but they soon had to petition for a restraining order against the owners of another coffee shop, who, they allege, drove by their house yelling obscenities and threatening to damage their home. Now both shops are closed.
Hazelton isn’t the only small town on the Great Plains that has used the land-and-cash lure, but those that have been successful with it are near larger communities — no more than a 30-minute drive away. Hazelton is a 45-minute drive to Bismarck — in good weather.
The Tristani home is now for sale. Jeanette says the main reason she wants to move back to the Miami area is to care for her elderly parents. Michael said his in-laws have no interest in coming to Hazelton because of the cold weather.
But it may also be because of the feared cold shoulder they might receive.
More on this story can be found at these links:
Florida family gives up on small-town North Dakota, Yahoo! News
Hazelton, North Dakota, Community Web Site
Hazelton, North Dakota, Wikipedia
The Big Questions
1. What are the reasons your congregation would like to attract new people? What do those reasons indicate about your congregation’s goals?
2. What do you think a visit to your worship service feels like to new people who don’t know anyone in your congregation? How might that experience be different for people who are unlike your usual congregants in economic, educational or social status? How might it be different for people of another culture or race?
3. What obligations about hospitality does Christianity include?
4. What things help new people to become integrated into a congregation?
5. Do you personally really want new people in your church? Why or why not? To what degree are you willing to institute changes in your church’s practices to attract new people? To what degree is it the responsibility of the new person to fit into your church the way it currently is?
Confronting the News with Scripture
Here are some Bible verses to guide your thoughts:
"Now among those who went up to worship at the festival were some Greeks. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and said to him, ‘Sir, we wish to see Jesus.’" (For context, read 12:12-26.)
This text is about evangelism. Following Jesus’ Palm Sunday entry into Jerusalem, "some Greeks" — that is, outsiders — came to the disciple Philip stating that they wished to see Jesus. Philip apparently wasn’t quite sure what to do, but he was wise enough to not turn away these seekers. Philip consulted with Andrew, and together they took the request to Jesus.
Questions: Is helping more people to see Jesus a sufficient reason, by itself, to seek to bring newcomers into your church? Why or why not?
"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it." (For context, read 13:1-6.)
Hospitality can be defined as "cordial and generous reception of and disposition toward guests," and it is a biblical principle. In several places, the Bible urges that those who lead the church be hospitable (for example, 1 Timothy 3:2), but here, the writer of Hebrews extends the principle to the whole church. When he says that some, by being hospitable, have "entertained angels without knowing it," he is referring to Abraham’s cordial actions toward some strangers who actually were angels, unbeknownst to Abraham (see Genesis 18:1-8; 19:1.)
Although we don’t usually think that newcomers to our churches are actual angels, they may well be people who will be channels through which God may send a new blessing to our congregation.
Questions: If there was a time when you avoided being hospitable toward a church newcomer, what held you back? What would help you do things differently the next time?
"I was a stranger and you did not welcome me …" (For context, read 25:41-46.)
The point of this comment by Jesus is obvious. By failing to show hospitality to strangers, we are failing to welcome Christ himself.
Questions: These words of Jesus seem to refer to the initial reception of the stranger, but how long should hospitality last? What if the person really isn’t a "good fit" for your congregation?
"Greet one another with a holy kiss." (For context, read 16:13-21.)
The apostle Paul wrote 1 Corinthians during the time when local churches were still small groups meeting in private homes. In those circumstances, Paul advised church members to "Greet one another with a holy kiss." This was in the Middle Eastern culture, where kissing as a greeting was common. That Paul talked about a "holy" kiss, however, meant that it was to be more than a polite greeting; it was one way of offering God’s hospitality to one another.
In that context, it was neither sensual nor sentimental, and it wasn’t exchanged between members of the opposite sex. The kiss was usually given on the cheek. But it was a personal act of welcoming, of offering the hospitality of God to someone who’d come to worship God.
Questions: What is the modern-day equivalent of the holy kiss? When were you most recently the recipient of it?
"Be hospitable to one another without complaining." (For context, read 4:7-11.)
The apostle Peter made this comment about being hospitable along with some other instructions about living faithfully. The fact that he felt compelled to add "without complaining" suggests that some Christians didn’t find being hospitable an easy thing to do. As with some of us today, hospitality didn’t come naturally to every first-century follower of Jesus.
Questions: Does the fact that we may not be hospitable by nature excuse us from welcoming newcomers? Why or why not?
Questions for Further Discussion
1. Imagine you’re visiting a church for the first time, where you see members greeting one another warmly. Would you expect, as a stranger, to be greeted as warmly yourself? Why or why not? How would the absence of a warm greeting affect you?
2. How long would you expect to continue attending a new church before you felt that you had become a regular part of the congregation?
3. What changes might a small town need to make to help people from large-city backgrounds feel at home?
Responding to the News
This is a good occasion to review your church’s plans for making newcomers feel welcome and also to think about your own readiness to participate in those plans.
Closing Prayer
O God, let us not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, remembering that each of us is a stranger somewhere but is always the beneficiary of your divine hospitality. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Note: This is from The Wired Word – a small group study that I subscribe to. I wanted to share it with you and get some feedback!
A Disciplined Spiritual Life #9
1. Admit sin. Admit that laziness is the problem and confess it as sin to God. Until something is recognized as sin, there will be little motivation to deal with it.
2. Establish priorities and manage time. Priorities and time management are the keys to solving disorganization.
3. Refocus. The next step is working to refocus attention from end results to the means of achieving the results.
4. Obedience regardless of feelings. We need to obey God regardless of how we feel. The lazy man can do all things through Christ who strengthens him.
5. Disciplined living. Read Prov. 13:4. Diligence makes the difference — disciplined activity, which implies consistent obedience. The soul of the lazy person honestly desires fulfillment, maturity, and holiness, yet does not achieve it. To know there is no shortcut to maturity can produce a more balanced and realistic Christian life in the undisciplined person.
6. The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied. Proverbs 13:4
7. Have hope. There is no reason for despair. The Bible clearly charts definite steps that you can take in your own life and use in working with someone else to deal with this habit-level problem of laziness.
a. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Hebrews 6:11‑12
8. Prayer.
A Disciplined Spiritual Life #8
1. “Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep…” Prov. 19:15. “As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed.” Prov. 26:14.
2. There appears to be a clear relationship between excessive sleep and laziness.
3. It is clear that an undisciplined person will often have the accompanying problem of excessive sleep. Sleep is the lazy way to deal with stress and problems; the bed is a relatively safe place to be. The undisciplined are nearly always tired.
4. Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes , so is the sluggard to those who send him. Prov. 10:26.
5. Interpersonal problems seem to dog the steps of the undisciplined individual. There are three reasons for this.
a. A lazy person usually will not work at developing quality relationships.
b. He also resist working to change offensive personal characteristics.
c. A betrayal of trust and responsibility usually characterize a lazy individual.
6. The sluggard says, “there is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!” Prov. 22:13. A lazy person is constantly coming up with lies to excuse his sinful behavior.
7. When it comes to dealing with problems, lying is a lazy way to deal with stressful situations. Undisciplined individuals often have excessive, groundless fears. These fears arise because a lazy person knows through experience that he will not be disciplined enough to solve them. A life pattern of failure develops, causing even small problems to become a source of fear and eventual failure.
8. The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer discreetly. Prov. 26:16. A lazy, undisciplined person has pride and an unfounded dogmatism in his own knowledge. This happens because he is not disciplined enough to the study necessary to grasp the whole picture.
9. The desire of the sluggard kills him for his hands refuse to labor. Prov. 21:25. A slothful man will not catch his prey, but the diligent man will get precious wealth. Prov. 12:27. Lazy people do not often achieve their goals. They see what they want and desire it, but don’t do what it necessary to achieve the goal. The Bible makes it clear that the real problem is laziness. This is a sin and can be solved!
Prayer.
A Disciplined Spiritual Life #7
1. Know God’s commands. A growing knowledge of God’s word is necessary to see clearly what God desires for us to do.
2. Look to God for power. The Christian’s life is supernatural and is impossible to live on our own. When we step out in faith to obey God’s commands, he honors our obedience by empowering us to carry out these commands.
3. Develop the right attitudes. Our attitudes can either help or hinder us in developing a disciplined life. To have the right mind set is a key in becoming disciplined.
4. We should delight to do God’s will.
a. “I delight to do thy will, Oh my God; thy law is within my heart.” Psalm 40:8
5. We should do God’s will carefully.
a. The LORD your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul. Deut. 26:16
6. We should be sincere in our obedience.
a. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. Luke 8:15
7. The truly effective disciple will have a consistent devotional life.
8. A second area for disciplined obedience is prayer. God has established prayer to enable us to respond to him and communicate with him.
9. Evangelism is another area that requires discipline.
Prayer.
A Disciplined Spiritual Life #6
In the following verses the emphasis is on disciplined obedience. Read these carefully and comment on them.
1. Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
2. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Cor. 9:26‑27
3. Working together with him . . .” 2 Cor. 6:1 (RSV).
4. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philip. 3:13‑14
5. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thes. 1:3
6. 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1
7. 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
8. Prayer
Not That I’d Ever Forget…
Hey, that’s true love, letting go of the remote…
